Wow

I can't believe I haven't actually written on here. This was supposed to be my escape from myspace and everyone on there, but it doesn't seem to be working. Well, I guess it can't work if I never get on!! Huh?

Well, I guess this has just sort of turned out to be my ranting and raving site of being a lesbian fresh out of the closet. Things have been going well. I have yet to actually come out to my parents tho. (side note: me and my mom have recently been getting along very well...I'm trying not to ruin that quite yet) But I must say, I'm coming very close to just throwing it out randomly during conversation one of these days.

I have to say that I quite proud of myself for finally getting over worrying about what people from church might say (yes, I am involved in church, and at least try to attend church on a regular basis)...and I've finally come to terms with the fact that they are either gonna except me for me regardless of my orientation...or it will be too much for them to understand and I will know that we obviously weren't that good of friends to begin with.

There are quite a few people who I've told, or talked with about it...and it doesn't seem to be a concern to them at all. I know I kind of have to take it step by step. To tell people a huge part of me that they've never known before sort of catches people off guard. And I respect that people need a little bit of time to adjust to the news. Like my friend Alyssa has been fantastic. She was the first person I told, and I figured she would understand the most. It was a little weird bringing up the conversation (even after I had come out to her several months before), but she's been really good about. She even told me the other day that she thought it would be awkward to talk about the subject, but that it turned out not the be.

That in itself has made me more okay with letting more and more people know. But the telling the parentals...is just a bit more difficult. I can't say that they don't already have some assumption of the matter...but still. I mean, I've lived with them for 21 years, they have to have some clue that I'm a lesbian. (you know, playing softball for 13 years...not dating anyone the last 6 years, etc.) It's just a touchy subject. I want to tell my dad first....but face to face (he's currently in prision..well he has been since I was 11 and wont be out til April/May). He's just more understanding and far less judgemental than my mother. I dont know...I may just put it in a letter...and see what he says. And based on his response, will determine how I end up telling my mom. Hmmph. Ok, til next time!